Yeah girl, you read that right.

But before we get into this particular post, let me be clear about a few things:
1. I don’t want to write this post.

I’ve actually done everything but write this post since Sunday, when the idea for it dropped into my spirit. Including the 20 minutes I just spend watching Myleik Teele’s insta stories instead.

2. This post isn’t for you, it’s for me.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ll never drop something you can’t use…I just know this bad boy is all mine. It’s like when Issa hypes herself up in the mirror. (Also, can we talk about Insecure?! Oh, not now? Okay. Fine.)

So before we get into these gifts–stop rolling your eyes–I have to tell you about a thing I’ve been hiding from 99.9% of ya’ll. So, let’s get into this.

Update

Back in April of 2019, the idea for a book was planted in my spirit.
On April 2020, said book bloomed.

Well, said manuscript bloomed, since it hasn’t been published.

Yup, 200+ pages later and I wrote a book.

It is all of the advice I wish I could have given to my students when I was a teacher without the filter I often had to use. It’s told through the lives of three dope high school seniors and is the single most vulnerable thing I’ve ever written and if you know me either through the blog or in real life…you know that’s saying something.

And since sending my literary baby out into the world of literary agents in order to acquire representation, it has been rejected…multiple times.

In fact, at the time of writing this blog post, all it has known is rejection.

I know in the grand scheme of things, the rejection I am willingly subjecting myself to is teeny tiny in comparison to what I know will come.

But that doesn’t stop it from hurting.

Every damn time.

You see why I didn’t want to write this post?

People often–in clever memes and tweets–encourage others to not share what is happening in their lives until it has fully manifested. Not everyone is rooting for you and blah blah blah. Pay attention to who doesn’t clap blah blah blah.

That’s not why I didn’t want to write this blog post.

I’m well aware that there are approximately 3.5 people in the world who are concerned with my life. I also know what is for me, no one’s bad vibes can take away.

The Truth

I didn’t want to write this blog because I didn’t want to look stupid.

It feels so much cooler in my mind to sit quietly with my book in hand only updating the 3.5 people who knew about it until BOOM! I bust out with an agent and a publishing deal and a beautiful cover and a real live release date.

But instead of a book deal, I just have an inbox of–very kind–rejection emails thus far and a tugging on my heart to share this with you.

So y’all see why I asked God if he was sure sure, when He gently placed it on my heart.

He said yea…so here we are.

Okay, now time for the gifts.

*Sigh*

Rejection reminds you of who you are.

Even as I remind myself that what’s meant for me won’t pass me by, I’d be a liar if you said rejection doesn’t sting.

But after the initial shock to my system, I’ve started to realize this really interesting fact: I’m still me.

My character and worth have in no way been diminished because someone didn’t like my work. Liking my work isn’t a personal reflection of me…or my ideas.

How much different would we see ourselves if we viewed rejection as an opportunity to remember that are enough without the opportunities, people, or jobs we have tricked ourselves into believing we need in order to feel worthy?

Myleik Teele, CEO of Curlbox, says it like this:

“…the deep understanding that anything being said to me or about me is about my work which can be really subjective. You hating my work doesn’t make it bad in general, it’s just [bad] for you and that’s OK. Everyone isn’t going to like your work.

Myleik Teele

If we let it, rejection has the power to remind you of who you are apart from what you’ve done. Maybe that’s why that nasty voice in your head tries to get you to believe who you are and what you’ve done are one in the same, when they aren’t.

Rejection reminds you whose you are.

Rejection has reminded me that God is a good father who listens to my prayers. I asked Him for someone who could truly champion my work. I know how much Black girls need to read things that aren’t always rooted in trauma. Why can’t a dope black girl and her friends just read about dope black girls and their friends? Conflict doesn’t always have to result in trauma.

I know this story is unlike anything currently on the market and it will require someone special to sell it. So when an agent tells me, they don’t think they’re the right person to represent my work, I gotta believe them and thank God they didn’t decide to step into a lane that wasn’t meant for them.

So let’s collectively thank the Lord for the break up, denial, and closed door. He probably knew we would try to make a square peg fit into a round hole and has a perfect fit for which he had to make room.

Rejection builds endurance.

I was talking to my therapist last week and she reminded me that my “faith muscles” are truly developed through moments of challenge.

You know why folks get strong, besides looking good in their jeans?
So they can carry heavier things.

How can I carry out the rest of this process if I’m already winded during the warmup?

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us to develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And we know this hope will not lead to disappointment…”

Romans 5:3-5

I don’t ever want my talents to take me to a place where my character can’t sustain me.

Am I tired of being told no? Yes.
But I rather it now than later.

So there it is, y’all. There are some gifts in that, “no” if we just look for them.

There’s magic in our musings and the rejections,
Nicole