I’ve worked in education my entire adult life.

I’ve taught middle school, traveled the country studying K-12 schools, and now I help develop teachers who teach-you guessed it–middle school.

Young adult fiction is my jam.

Getting kids to analyze text Is. What. I. Do.

I am known at my school as The Book Fairy (a title far more precious to me than the one in my contract).

Watchings kids fall in love with great books and become self advocates who change the world is what I love most about my job.

I wake up everyday knowing that what I do makes a difference and I have had the privilege of working with some of the best adults and children in the world.

And without fail I can always count on someone to ask me, “So, Nicole, when are you making a career change?” or “Girl, I could never do what you do. Kids?! On that salary. You could make way more money.”

Like people know how much I make.
Like I wake up everyday and volunteer my time out of the goodness of my heart.
Like my kids and teachers don’t give me as much–or more–than I give them.
Like their lives are so much more fulfilling because they bring home some extra coins working in corporate.

Can you tell I haven’t worked through this yet?

I would love to tell you how I have dragged folks when they ask me this question (not really, it’s just not good for the soul)…or at the very least, have had a heart to heart about the impact of their questioning…but nah.

It’s actually really bad for relationships to ask someone to hop off your proverbial nuts.

And difficult conversations lowkey make me itch, so instead I always say:
“No, I still love my job and I’m not going anywhere,” before a fake laugh and an escape to the nearest exit.

And I realized, if well-meaning folks are out here trying to define what success is for my life, they very well could be doing the same thing to other incredible women whose version of success doesn’t align with theirs.

We ain’t doing this in 2018.

So here are 3 (really 4, but only 3 are “acceptable”) ways to keep folks from trynna define success for your life.

Renew your mind daily.

There is so much noise in this world and it’s coming at your from every direction. From your newsfeed to your mama, everyone has an opinion. And while most of them are incredibly well-meaning, only you know what you’ve been called to do.

Take time each morning to have some quiet time. Run, meditate, pray, or read a devotional. Do something that helps you recenter yourself and remind you why do your life’s work or helps to clear your mind so you can think about what you want your life’s work to be.

The clearer you are about why what you do what matters to you, the easier it is to block out those who tell you that you shouldn’t.

Find your people.

Sometimes the noise will be so loud that it’ll be hard to silence it on your own. Find people who share your passions or who encourage you to live freely. These are the friends/family members who will help remind you of your purpose when you just can’t see it…or the fruits of it.

We sometimes think that fulfilling is synonymous with easy and that ain’t true. It’s fulfilling because it gives us the strength to keep going even when it feels so damn hard…and purposeless.

Sometimes, finding your people may mean losing a few. I’m not a proponent of cutting people out of your life on a whim but you can’t walk in you purpose while constantly surrounded by people who don’t believe in it.

Change the narrative.

There is power in sharing positive experiences that are contradictory to the stereotypes people hold, especially when working in fields where stereotypes run rampant and mindsets need to be checked All. The. Time.

I have always chosen to work in schools that are majority kids of color and many of whom come from communities of low wealth. I’ve heard what “these kids” are capable of over and over again. Having conversations about what my kids are is about the only time when I don’t feel itchy when having to engage in a crucial conversation.

Whenever I talk about my students or school I share the highlights of my work and how much joy my work brings me. Some people expect to hear about under resourced buildings and kids who don’t want to learn. That’s not my experience and in my 6 years of education, I haven’t encountered kids who don’t want to learn. My kids seriously make me proud every single day and that’s what I share with people.

If all else fails…

Just tell them to hop off your nuts.
But don’t tell anyone I encouraged you to do it.

There’s magic in our muings,
Nicole