Recently, I wrote a post entitled What I Miss About Being Single in which I encouraged women who aren’t in relationships, but one day would like to be, to take advantage of 3 key things while they are still single.

After releasing that post a few folks asked, “Well, Nicole, how did you know Shamar was the person you were willing to give up middle of the bed sleep for?!”

After laughing at bit, I sat down and thought about the 5 things that made me realize that Shamar was my person and that I could spend my life with him.

1. I Never Had To Guess.

When Shamar and I were getting to know each other, he asked me a question I had never been asked by a man:

What are your expectations for someone you are interested in?

Huh?

What do I expect from you?
Now?
And we haven’t even been on our first date yet?

From that point up until the present, there has never been a single time when I questioned who I was to Shamar or what we were doing. He shows up, everyday without question or condition. I always know how much he cares, because he shows me.

Now, don’t get me wrong.
It is not all roses and butterflies. I’m not out here trynna sell ya’ll a dream.
I remember when his 24 year old self tried to tell me he “didn’t do titles, because they complicated things”.
I told him I didn’t not do titles and that although there was no pressure, we wouldn’t live long in the in between before it was time to kindly part ways.

Three weeks later he began “doing” titles.

I didn’t force his hand. He knew that what he had was worth approaching relationships a bit differently than he had in the past. Your person will too. He’ll never leave you guessing, confused, or unsure of who you are to him.

2. I Could Be Myself…All of Me.

I’ve always been one dimensional to every guy I’ve dated.

Depending on who I was with, you would get a different answer about the girl I was. Most of the time I was the serious girl with a five year plan. On occasion I would be the silly carefree girl with a bomb sense of humor, but very rarely was I the silly carefree girl who could be serious and had a five year plan and jokes for days.

Meeting your person means being with someone who you can have impromptu dance parties even if you have two left feet or sing at the top of your lungs knowing you can’t sing worth a damn.

He will appreciate both your seriousness at work and your goofiness with your family. There will be no pretense and no need to pretend.

3. He Could Be All Up In My Space.

I. Need. Space.

I am an only child and I grew up knowing how to keep myself occupied.

And while I’ve always had an extremely extroverted personality, when I began teaching 6 years ago I became more of an ambivert, feeling like a need alone time in a way I never had before in order to feel fully recharged. And though I still love people that feeling of needing to recharge solo has only increased as I’ve gotten older.

I could do short amounts of time with someone before it was time for them–or me–to go.

Then came Shamar, and he could be in my space all day every day and it never felt like too much. We could( (and still) read on opposite ends of the couch, take long car rides in silence, or be in two different places at home and there would just be this comfortable silence that just felt right.

Your person will just be and his presence won’t feel draining.

4. He Never Left When It Got Tough.

My husband has been there for it all. Being a part of my life since before I graduated college up until now means he’s had a front row seat to my full professional journey as well as to the woman I have been and am growing into everyday. Who we were at 22 and 24 isn’t who we are at 28 and 30 and he’s taken every health scare, financial upset, family emergency and everything else in stride.

He’s sat beside me in hospital waiting rooms and funerals. He’s supported my decision for therapy and we’ve talked about our game plan for my parents as they get older. I know sometimes he’s been just as afraid as I am, but he’s always been there.

And quite honestly? I wouldn’t want to do this life with anyone else but him.

Your person will be your constant. He won’t run when it gets tough or intense and he’ll always be there for you in both the best and worst of times. He won’t ever make you feel bad about your circumstances. Burdens become lighter and even in the midst of difficult times, you know God has blessed you with an earthly partner who will be your refuge.

5. He’s My Dawg

Shamar. Is. My. Dawg

He will edit a blog post, snap a photo, edit a professional development session for work, AND keep my ice cold feet warm at night time. No one cheers me on like him. No one has the ability to take my never ending stream of ideas and put them all into an excel spreadsheet like him.

He’s my best friend.

He finishes my sentences.

He reads my thoughts.

He tells me to sit my butt down and to get my butt up.
(And he’s the only one I listen to.)

He participates in my living room dance parties.

He gets me.

And your person will to. He won’t ask questions, he’ll just hop right into the crazy that is you. He’ll remind you of who you are when the world’s noise starts to drown it out. He’ll keep you laughing and you two will communicate with no words.

How did you know the person you were with was your person?
Drop me a comment below!

There’s magic in our musings,
Nicole