Hey, girl!
I’m here and well and alive (again).

I got the flu and when I tell you all it took me out…It. Took. Me. Out.
I was out of work for a week (anyone who knows my workaholic behind in real life can attest to how serious that is) and still spent most of this weekend sleeping and feeling unusually tired–and it’s been two weeks.

But never fear.

I was gone for a minute…

Everyone always asks how Shamar and I met one another and they always get this adorable(but maybe I’m biased) meet cute story about how I was deciding to be a teacher who did a classroom visit into his room one day and the rest is history.

But what most people don’t know is that right after the best (and last come to think of it) first date I have ever had, I sent Shamar a text saying that I wouldn’t see him again.

This is the year of sharing both the happy and the real. So let’s get into it, shall we?

Before graduating from college and moving to Charlotte to teach I decided I was on a man fast.

Man diet.

Man strike.

Man hiatus.

Mancation.

Man break.

Do you understand the words coming across this screen?

I was really not trying to enter a new season of life with a boo, bae, or boyfriend.

I had spent the last four years of life wrapped up in a few guys who weren’t ready to be wrapped up in me and I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I told the Lord that I was ready to be fully about Him and what He had called me to do and I didn’t have the time to be distracted by anything–or anyone.

I landed my first “real” job before graduating from college and I knew that I needed to be about two things: Jesus and work.

Fast forward past meeting Shamar for the first time and graduating from college, and we end up squarely in Tulsa, Oklahoma. The city where I would spend the summer completing a teacher training program and getting to know Shamar.

The following was a conversation that took place while I should have been sleeping, but instead was up cakin’ with Shamar (forget about all that stuff about being manless, your boy had some game ::shrug::).

He asked me what my expectations were for someone I was interested in.

I immediately started with my first priority: someone I was interested in had to know and love Jesus. I followed up with a few other expectations and as he began to explain how he fit almost all of the requirements he said something that I just couldn’t shake.

I don’t really have a relationship with Jesus and I don’t really feel like anything is missing in my life.

Jigga what?

We continued talking to each other throughout the rest of the program, but I didn’t think too much of it because we were nowhere near serious, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t bothered that such a big part of my life wasn’t a big part of his.

When the program ended and we returned home, he asked me out on our first date.
I want to tell you how I immediately thought about Jesus and said no right away and spent the night reading my Bible…but I didn’t.

I went.

I went in this great dress, shoes, and a fresh wrap looking like a Dark and Lovely ad.
I was fione.

And I had an incredible time. It was the best first date I have ever been on. Conversation never ended, he was such a gentlemen, we ate really well, and it felt wrong.

Once I was home for the night I hit him with the “I can’t see you again” text. I explained where my priorities had to be. He was extremely kind about it (but as I type this he is telling me now how dumbfounded how he was as he thought he had done everything right).

The reality was I had given God so many areas of my life, but I had spent years telling God I had it under control when it came into the dating department. I was determined this time to get it right. To choose the lover of my soul over a temporary lover and trust that eventually I would find who God had for me.

Little did I know, it would be the very person I turned away because of God.

A few weeks went by and I was settling into my new city nicely and on the hunt for a church home.
I was trying out a new church one Sunday and while the music was a lil’ questionable I was enjoying the message. It was time for communion and I get out of my seat…and who do I bump past on my way down but Shamar.

Y’all.

I thought God was trying to punk me.

I gave him a quick hug and as he turned around, I’m pretty sure I mouthed the words “Are you serious?!” to the Lord.

I had no idea he would be in attendance and it wasn’t until that Sunday that I decided to go.

That didn’t end up being my home church, but I did end up inviting Shamar to the church that I started attending permanently.

At first he went because I was cute and he was curious.
Then me inviting him turned to “Hey Nik, what service do you want to attend?”
Then it turned into “Hurry up, we’re going to be late!”

Then he got saved.
Then he started volunteering.
Then he got baptized.

And now when there’s a problem or a decision that needs to be made his first question is always, “Have you prayed on it?”

None of this was a surprise to God.
He knew that Shamar would be my future husband.

He also knew I had to lay down my will and ways so that He could give me my hearts desires and then some.

I don’t take credit for Shamar’s salvation. He made a choice to walk through the doors of that church without the knowledge I would be there or that that small action would lead me to see him again. And he had to. No one can do that kind of spiritual work for you but you. But it does not for a minute escape me that God positioned me in Shamar’s life to bear witness to his spiritual journey.

Shamar would have found Jesus without me, but being obedient to God and faithful to my standards allowed me to have a partner who I can do this life with and the next.

So why do I tell you all of this?

To affirm anyone struggling with the feeling that some area of their life isn’t producing fruit because of their standards. Sis, when your standards are in alignment with spiritually lead motives, they serve as your protection. Don’t worry that everyone is married, or has that dream job, or is starting that business and you’re somehow “behind” because of the standard at which you chose to live your life. Don’t move outside of those standards, sis. If something doesn’t fit within them, move on.

Trust me when I say before Shamar, I had dated some guys who, by the world’s standards, looked good on paper.  But it wasn’t until I met him that my heart knew the fullness of joy of dating someone moving in the same spiritual direction as me.

Now, I’m not here to put a social media filter over my relationship. Shamar and I stumbled a lot as we dated. We still stumble. Marriage is hard. And I know it’s because of God’s standard for my life and Shamar’s choice to follow Jesus, we will continue to be okay.

Know that your wait now will magnify your joy later.

 

There’s magic in our musings,
Nicole