I am the ultimate advocate for therapy. I have been going for about 6 months and when I tell you it has been a total and complete game change…

…it has been a total and complete game change.

And I have had so many women, those I know personally and those I don’t, asking me about whether or not they should see a therapist. My immediate response is always, “GIRL! YES!” and this overly emphatic ‘yes’ is typically enough to give someone the nudge (or humongous shove) in the direction of a therapy couch. That and the encouragement that for believers, God isn’t mad you have a therapist.

But I realize very rarely do I talk about the ways in which therapy has changed the game (for me). So, if you’re still wondering whether or not going to see a therapist if for you I suggest you keep reading to find the things I’ve earned from doing the work on my therapist’s couch and beyond.

Compassion:

I came to therapy angry.

Really angry.

And I always shake my head when I tell people this because they go,

“Really?!
Stop lying!
You don’t strike me as an angry person.”

Well..typically…I’m not. Which is why I knew I needed help.

And when I was in the middle of all that angry, I didn’t know if it would ever subside. I didn’t know if I would ever stop being mad at things I had absolutely no control of. If other people’s actions would ever stop dictating my emotions. It was a while before I realized the answer to that question would be, “yes” and even after I figure it out what I didn’t count on was the level of compassion that would replace what felt like insurmountable anger.

Therapy helped me to realize that the people I was most angry with were only doing the best they knew how to do. That they had made leaps and bounds by comparison to the examples that had come before them had shown and while it wasn’t right or enough, it was what they had to give.

And they gave all of it.
Without thought.
Without question.

Their choices weren’t a result of a desire to hurt me, but a desire to save me.
Realizing that brought me to a place of understanding that I would have never arrived to at my own. At least not in 6 months time.

Honesty

I’ve always been really good about holding my stuff together, even at the most broken points. The most…complicated…parts of my life involve some of the folks who are closest to me. Why would I ever want to “air my dirty laundry” especially when someone else’s drawers were tangled up in it?

There have been so many times in therapy when I’ve said things I literally have never said to anyone else in my life, husband included.

And it’s not like I’ve been holding onto these thoughts purposefully, willing them to stay stifled. Sometimes things will just fall out of my mouth and I’ll be sitting there like:

And you know what happens next (after this outrageous weight has been lifted off of me)?

Not-a-damn-thing.

Wanna know why?

Because I’ve spilled all my deepest secrets (sometimes darkest, but sometimes just funny or honest and not ready for everybody ears) in a Fort Knox built especially for me.

And the most beautiful part is that they don’t just stay there locked up never to see the light of day. They’re examined, talked about, and prayed on. They’re crafted into letters, and role plays, and practice conversations that soften the edges that we sometimes deem necessary when telling someone how their actions have impacted me.

Self-Reflection

I remember the day I walked into my therapists office for the first down. I sat on the couch and after she asked where I wanted to start I promptly began to tick off all of the things that had happened in the last 6 months and then said, “but none of that is why I’m here…I’m really here because of x, y, and z.”

She listened and then asked how my relationships were with other people, my job performance, friendships, and my marriage.

I told her they were all fine.

I had just told her why I was here.
CLEARLY that was the only thing wrong with me.

Why she acting like she ain’t listening?!

And then she said something I didn’t quite understand initially, “As you begin to do work in this particular area of your life…you’ll find that there are other areas that may surface up because this issue isn’t your main focus anymore.”

Well would ya’ll know she was right?!

After I found some of the closure I was looking for (’cause the work don’t end, ya’ll) there were things about ME that I noticed. Things that have probably been this way for years but because there were other things that felt bigger to me, I had moved those smaller (but just as impactful) things to the side.

Clearly, it wasn’t my therapist who wasn’t listening. It was absolutely me.
You see that good self-reflection right there?!

So all of that to say, whether you know exactly what you need to work through or you just know you could benefit from talking to someone, girl (or guy), I say go for it.

There’s magic in our musings (especially our most unrestricted ones),
Nicole