I could do almost anything growing up (within Black/Caribbean reason) and my parents were cool with it.

Anytime I had an idea, wanted to move to a new city, or try my hand at a new job my parents were always incredibly supportive. Their only ask of me was to “have a plan.”

I’m exceptionally grateful for them and for this outlook. It empowered me to go places, try things, and forge a path all my own. While I knew they would always be there to guide and support me, I also knew I had the freedom to follow my heart and make my own way.

And I’ve always had a plan.

Always secured a job and housing in one location before handing in my resignation to another. Always very clear about my timelines and deadlines.

Until now.

Now I’m leaving a job without securing another.

I’m playing with the idea that the skillsets on my resume aren’t necessarily the ones I want to refine which conflicts with how much I love my 9-5.

You see now, my plan is pretty incomplete–to me at least.

But very slowly and very surely I’m learning that trusting God is a plan all in itself.

Nothing has to be wrong to walk away.

The first question that is often asked of us when you tell someone we are walking away from a particular situation is, “What’s wrong?” or “What happened?”

People look at you like you are crazy when you respond with “Nothing, but I know it’s time to go”. Like you couldn’t possibly be walking away from something good.

But what if you know there’s something better, different, or more?

It’s okay to walk away from a fulfilling situation if you believe there is something more fulfilling out there.

It’s okay to walk away from a good job because you want to make impact differently.

It’s okay.

There is no rule that says leaving is bad or can only come from bad things. It might be braver to walk away when things are good than when they aren’t.

You don’t have to wait for the next thing before leaving.

There are times when an opportunity of a lifetime comes along and you would be crazy not to take it.

But there also times when you just know it’s time to leave.

There will be peace.

The kind of peace that settles into your spirit and makes its home in your heart. It will remind you your decision to go isn’t contingent upon the opportunity that comes next.

That peace will sustain you through difficult conversations with your loved ones. Conversations about why you can’t wait until the next thing comes along before you leave.

That peace will give you strength when you need to rethink the way you spend money in this season.

And way down deep, that peace will comfort you when you start to question whether or not you heard God properly because while you didn’t need a new thing when you left the old one, your mortgage company don’t wanna hear none of that.

But you may have to dig, girl.
I know I do.

But I also know, I always seem to find it.

There’s no shame in saying, “I don’t know.”

After “What’s wrong?” the question I get most often is “What’s next?”

I have no idea.

When I first realized it was time to go and was ready to share that with people I wrote about the joy in the unknown.

And while I believe everything I wrote in that post…if I’m super honest, I also thought by this time, we would be trading our wine glasses for champagne flutes celebrating my new job that makes way more money and has some glamorous title.

That ain’t happen yet.

In fact, I don’t even know if it will.

Not because I don’t have faith–but because the more time I have to breathe and think, the more I realize I may be called into a completely new and different direction.

But for a moment, I was embarrassed.
Ashamed that I had taken this bold stand for what I knew (and still know) to be true only to still be waiting.

I’m moving out of that space and in all of the things that I don’t know in this season, what do know is this:

It’s better to move in the right direction and be uncertain, than it is to be definitively certain something isn’t for you and stay.

But there is shame in saying, “I knew and didn’t do.”

I rather be slightly embarrassed and at peace, than seemingly right and miserable.

There is no shame in saying “I don’t know it all, but I know there’s more than this.”

I do believe we give shame an opportunity to grow when we say, “I knew, but I didn’t do.”:

I knew he wasn’t for me, but I stayed.

I knew that job was a stepping stone but I made it a permanent resting place.

I knew that person should have only been here for a season but now it’s been a lifetime.

All because we think comfort is better than fear.
But that’s a whole ‘nother conversation for a whole ‘nother day.

Count the Cost

I’m not here to sell you dreams.

I’m not financially in a place where I can go find myself without a steady source of income.

Fun money from side hustles has been diverted into fall mortgage payments for when my salary stops coming after summer—just in case.

My faithfulness to my work has yielded potential opportunities for contract work so I can continue to ensure my family is taken care of.

I’m not sailing off into the sunset leaving all of my responsibilities behind. But I am being intentional with my decision making while giving myself the space to rest.

Giving myself grace when learning to listen to the way God is moving in this
season instead of being angry that He isn’t working the same way he did in the last season.

I was so pressed for a moment I applied for well over a dozens jobs. Flying out for interviews and being devastated in the end when it didn’t work.

I kept saying that “faith without works is dead,” that God wouldn’t bless me if I wasn’t actively grinding for new work. I shared this sentiment with my beautiful friend, Tori who told me:

Sometimes the work is what we have already done. That our current assignment is to rest. Rest is action. Time to read the book, write the book, start the project or explore the degree is necessary. The next season of life may not afford us the same kind of rest that this season is.

Tori Lee of Black Girl Social

So be intentional.

Feel what you need to–sift through the fear, anxiety and nervousness because the other side is where you will find your peace.

Remember the ways God has always come through for you, but don’t confine Him to His previous ways of working.

And then rest.

There’s magic in our musings, our prayers, and our leaving,
Nicole