If there is one thing we are not short on during the strange time, it’s opinions.

Am I the only one who thinks there are more opinions than people right now?!

Write a book.
Don’t write a book.

Workout and stay strong.
Binge and eat all the snacks.

Start a side hustle.
How dare you? People are unemployed.

Date.
This isn’t the time for trauma bonds.

Damn, is breathing still okay?

It wasn’t until I was rolling my eyes at someone having a full on rant on social media the other day that I realized, this was my fault.

Yes, my fault.

I had probably rolled my eyes so far around my head, I was staring at my occipital lobe, when my judgemental self stopped judging the person on my phone screen and shined the light back on myself.

You are annoyed by this rant, yet you’re still watching it. No one invited you here, you just walked your unhappy self on in.

It was in this moment me and myself had this thought:

This is an incredible time to take stock of the voices and energies you are allowing into your space.

My judgemental, but, wise self

So today friends, we’re going to talk about the magic of the mute button.
Both literally and metaphorically.

What’s at stake?

I know ya’ll.
You’ve been on my couch and drink my wine.

The BGM reader is a person who is often assessing, reassing, and evaluating their spaces and the people who inhabit them.

But now, we’ve only got one space.
Just one.

Gone (for now) are the days we could go blow off steam in the gym and then head to the bookstore for a chai and a casually stroll through aisles.

We don’t get to dine with our friends after a long day of work with that coworker who we can’t stand.

There is no mini getaway to look forward to unless we count moving from upstairs to downstairs.

Our homes are the only spaces we have, and while there aren’t people moving in and out of them baybeh, the energy I was entertaining through news, opinions, and emotions I couldn’t carry was running rampant in my emotional and physical space.

Whatever energy you bring into your space, whether it be unsolicited opinions or the person you don’t like but follow, is going to saddle up next to you while in quarantine.

Like a roommate who works your last nerve, doesn’t pay bills, and eats all your snacks.

Sounds terrible right?

Grab some anointing oil or some sage and declutter alongside me.
Don’t worry, I’m not adding to all the opinions in the world, just asking a few questions to help you emotionally Marie Kondo a lil’ bit.

Work Boundaries

Gratitude and strategy can live side by side. We are going to be grateful for our ability to generate income for our family and be strategic about spending our days in ways that bring us joy. So question number one is:

What’s your bright line?

Some employers believe that with their employees confined to their homes, they should be even more accessible than before. Or as productive as they were before life completely flipped upside down.

With the current financial situation, maybe that pressure is coming from yourself.

Introducing: the brightline.

I can’t be reached before 10am.

Prior to that I am:

-Spending time with Jesus
-Practicing yoga
-Making a smoothie and taking a shower

After my shower, I’m ready to work because my mind and body are ready. When the work day ends, I go on a family walk.

Physical activity is the equivalent of my drive into and from work. It creates separation in my mind between how I am engaging with my space when the time is mine vs. when I’m on company time. It also keeps me from merging the two.

Reaching for my bible first keeps me from checking my emails.
The act of physically getting up, putting on my shoes, and going for a walk helps to transition my brain from one activity to another. When I come home from my walk, I’ve gone from being at work to being a home.

Take a lunch.
Block it out if you need to on your calendar as time when you’re busy.

Google Calendar (and I’m sure Outlook too) has features where you can confine the times people have access to you for a meeting.

Boundaries matter.

Energy Vampires

I had some conversations this past week with people who I adore, but were emotionally draining me. It was like anytime I interacted with them I left feeling anxious and depleted. I affectionately call them, energy vampires.

In every interaction, the first thing folks did was emotionally dump. Whatever hard day, frustration, or fear they had, they were bringing it to me. Normally, it’s not even something I would think twice about. I’d listen, give advice, pray and keep it moving.

But last week almost drowned me.

By the time someone had finished telling me about all the ways they were stressed, who was sick, or who was waiting on test results, I had nothing left to give. By the last 3 or 4 minutes of the call when they finally asked how I was, I didn’t even have the words to communicate how I felt because all I felt was their anxiety.

We (me included) have to stop dumping without permission.

My friend Anna-Marie taught me through her example, a question I’d like to share with y’all in effort to strengthen all of our relationships during this time.

I need someone to vent to. Do you have the emotional capacity to hold this right now?

The Great Anna-Marie

And if you’re a real friend, you won’t be mad when the answer to that question is no.

And if you have real friends, it’s okay to tell them no.

I have never, in my adult life, experienced another time when we were all going through something so heavy and strange together.

Strength is finite, strong friends are trying to figure out how they’re moving through the world right now. And while we’re sharing this collective experience, we’re all processing it in multiple different ways. So here’s another one.

What do you need to feel loved and supported?

Now isn’t the time to decide for folks what they need.
It’s also not the time to let others tell you what you need.

The same grace you’re trying to extend to yourself, please extend to others.

Energy vampires aren’t just people.
Do you really need the daily death toll in order to be informed?
Are the #notmypresidents briefings really the best source of news?
Do you have to read every article once you’re informed on the situation?

We have to be careful of what we’re consuming.

Soul Food

If I said, “what you feed your body determines its level of function” most reasonable people would agree with me.

But if I said, “what you feed your mind determines its level of function,” you might question me.

What you watch, read, and listen to matters. The messages you’re feeding yourself matter.

But you know what doesn’t matter?
How people choose to use this time.

Why are we waring on social media about whether you should be starting a business or practicing self care?

Why do we think those things are mutually exclusive?

If you’re following someone who just finished writing a book and that makes you feel bad…mute them.

You don’t have the capacity to workout so do you need to follow 37 fitness influencers who unintentionally make you feel bad?

If you’re a mom whose busting her ass to keep it all together, pinterest boards of 143 picture perfect activities to do at home with your kids might not be the place for you today.

And that’s okay.
Who cares how people use their time. If it bothers you, mute it. Whether in the digital world or the real world and create what you’d like to see.

Now, I’m not telling you to get rid of the things or people who love you through accountability. Don’t mute the voices of the people who you asked to hold you accountable to your goals.

I’m just saying everyone has the right to move how they want to move in the world so long as they aren’t hurting anyone else.

And you? You have the right to determine whose movements you focus on.

I hope they’re your own.

There’s magic in our musings and our mute buttons,
Nicole