I was never someone who dreamed of being married as a little girl.
I never held weddings for my barbies.
I never thought of what my wedding would look like.
And you had to be real special for me to practice a fake signature with my first name and your last.

I always knew I’d get married it was just never a priority.

But every now and then I’d have that moment between an aint ish boyfriend and declaring that I was on a break from dating that I would hear: “Nik, celebrate your singleness because it is a gift”.

And I would lowkey roll my eyes the same way you probably do when people tell you this.

And then I’d think:

Yeah, girl. Okay.
Tell me again about enjoying singleness.

Nice ring. Princess cut, I see. 

But now I’m a wife–who still has the training wheels on her marriage– and I can honestly say there are things about being single that I lowkey miss.

Now, hear me.
Marriage is a gift and I love it.
I love it because of who I am married to.
And I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

However…every now and again I think to myself, “Dang, I really miss ________”.

So while I won’t tell you your singleness is a gift, I will say enjoy these things while you can:

 

Middle of the Bed Sleep

Sis, if you never remember anything else I write, remember this:

Middle of the bed sleep is a gift from the Most High God. 

If you are single and currently using half of your bed…you are doing it all wrong.

There is something about turning the air down real low, putting a blanket on top of your blanket, and laying in the center of your bed with pillows all around that almost brings a thug tear to my eye.

When one of us travels without the other, please believe I put my happy self right in the middle of my bed or whatever hotel bed I’m sleeping in and knock all the way out.

A Social Calendar All My Own

This morning I said to Shamar, “Don’t plan anything for the 20th, we’re taking pictures for the blog.” I make requests like this all the time and so does he.

And there are some days when I’m tapped out from people, life, and adulting and will happily slip on my sexiest bonnet and sweatpants for a night in while he goes out.

But that can’t always happen.

There are some events at which I must be present to be his cheerleader and advocate because that’s my homie lover friend and I am going to support him…even when I don’t feel like putting on pants.

There is something about being fully in control of your own calendar and how you spend every minute of every Saturday that is so refreshing.

Decisions Made Exclusively By Me For Me

Gone are the days of deciding that I’m booking a trip or moving to a new city without consulting someone else.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am the QUEEN of impromptu trips with one of my best friends (hey, Gab!).

We stay booking trips on the whim of a good flight deal (You should try Fareness is you haven’t!). Though I try to fake the funk on Instagram and make ya’ll think I just picked up and left, please know there was a meeting with Shamar in which we surely consulted the budget and I promised not to buy anything else for a period of time because…goals and priorities.

I’m also the queen of the 2 year city change. If I was single, I’d be contemplating a move to the west coast right now because the two year itch is coming up on me. Since graduating from college I’ve spent two years in three cities.

Shamar followed me from Charlotte, NC to DC because about 6 months before I moved, he decided to propose and I had already accepted a new job offer.

Together we decided to move to Atlanta…but I definitely put the idea on the table.

Now? Aint no more moving boxes, bih. Not unless we’re moving from one place in Atlanta to another.

Marriage isn’t a ball and chain and it isn’t a hindrance.
And if you are someone who has always done what you want when you want, it is an adjustment.

And it’s an adjustment we chose.
Our marriage works like this because we choose for it to.
We choose to be partners in everything which means choices aren’t made in isolation (unless it’s a surprise, cause hello…surprises.)

It works for us and it makes us happy and if that’s what you want one day, I hope that for you too.

But, girl…

Before it happens, I need you to:

1. Put the key into the lock of your own place.
2. Sit on your couch in your raggedy panties (you aint got no one to impress) and eat some ice cream.
3. Wake up on a Saturday and decide you are only doing exactly what you’d like to do.
4. End a hard day sipping a glass of wine and booking an impromptu trip with that one friend who’s always down to ride.

All of these things can absolutely still happen after marriage…but I’d be lying if I said they didn’t feel different.

If you’re single, what questions do you have about marriage?
If you’re married what’s your favorite part about it and what do you miss about your single days?

There’s magic in our musings,
Nicole