Last Monday my church had a gathering for the women of our house that changed my life.

Now, I’ve heard plenty of people go to a concert, service, or conference and come out saying “I will never be the same” or “I was wrecked” and I always knew what they meant…but I didn’t know, not until last Monday at least.

On Monday it was like God took all of my struggle areas and plainly laid them out starting in the worship and ending in the message. So much so my best friend Gab was nudging me through worship and saying, “Nik, girl this is for you!” and she only knows the tip of my iceberg of mess.  I walked out of that gathering with puffy eyes and a renewed heart.

I literally felt some things break off of me that I have been grappling with for the last 14 years of my life. Things I’ve never fully shared with any of my friends and family members, things that have caused so much pain and confusion in my life both as a girl and a grown woman.

And I couldn’t wait to tell my therapist.

Yeah, you read that right. I was excited to tell my therapist about my spiritual breakthrough.

Black Girl Musings was birthed during a time when I was having a nervous breakdown.  How Hiding My Breakdown Made Others Ashamed was my first blog post. There were a series of events from last September to December that hit me in some big ways and I realized I wouldn’t be okay if I didn’t deal with them.

And so since December I’ve been sitting on the couch of an amazing therapist who is helping me work out my mess so that I can be the best version of myself.

I got to her office on Thursday and she asked me where I wanted to start and immediately I told her about my Monday night. She listened (’cause…that’s her job) and when I finished she was so happy for me and reminded me just how on time God is and how He will always give us the confirmations we need at the right time.

Wait, what?!

Nicole, you mean to tell me your therapist took you at your word that a spiritual breakthrough broke some of the emotions you’ve been carrying since 14 and working through since December?

Yup, that’s what I’m trying to tell you, girl. And I’m trying to tell you something else. So read the next line real carefully.

God isn’t mad that you have a therapist. Your mental health and your spiritual walk can coexist.

Nicole, you don’t need a therapist! You need prayer.

Yes, I do need prayer! Every day of my life. And I need to put in work. How do I ask God to give me strength to deal with the areas in the life that aren’t the prettiest and then don’t take the steps necessary to work through them?

There are incredible Christian therapists/counselors out there that can understand your problems and your walk.

I believe that I am blessed, called, healed, and whole (just like the song!).

And I see a therapist every Thursday.

We’ve got to get rid of these stigmas we sometimes put on ourself as believers that we are somehow broken or faithless if we seek a mental health professional.

I said this to someone the other day and when they asked me a question in such love I couldn’t even be mad:

If you aren’t broken, then why do you see a therapist?

Well…I go the gym and I’m not sick.

You see, I go to a therapist for the same reason I go to the gym: I want to stay healthy.

I am very aware that there are things in my life that have the potential to break me if I don’t address them.
But I’m not broken.

I am also incredibly aware that in order to stay whole, I have to do the emotional work.

My God is a good Father who wants good things for me. He looks at me with love not judgement. He wants me to be healthy and whole so that I can carry out His work for His Kingdom. So He’s probably hitting the Bankhead bounce (cause He’s an OG) because His daughter is working on herself so she can do work for Him.

And look…sometimes you just need a professional.

A professional.

In case you didn’t hear me the first time.

Not your man, your girls, or your know it all auntie.

There are things I tell my therapist that I haven’t told the women who stood by me on my wedding day (that’s not always the best…it’s why I’m in therapy but I needed to make a point just then). Oddly enough there is a feeling of safety that comes when you are sharing your messiest mess with a complete stranger.

There is no judgement.

None.

There is also no one trying to make excuses for why your dysfunction is okay.

‘Cause it aint.

An objective outside professional will ask you questions that might be too hard for others to ask and you can give answers others may not be ready to hear yet.

So I’m going to leave you with the same link I left you with in my very first blog post Therapy for Black Girls because I say “Girl.” at least 3 times every session and my therapist knows thats about three entire sentences because…Black Women.

Proverbs 19:20 tells us “Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life.”

Church isn’t a building. Church are all of the believers that make up the body of Christ.

Don’t limit a limitless God by thinking to only place you can find wise counsel is in the four walls of a church building when there is entire body to which we can turn.

If you have been listening to the lie that you can’t be a good Christian and seek a mental health professional I am here to set the record straight.

Yes you can.

And you need to if you want to be your best self to do the work God has called you to do on this Earth.

There is magic in our musings,
Nicole