I was having a conversation with my sweet friend Emily a few weeks ago while indulging in delicious brunch. (Why yes, the same Emily who brought us the most glorious acronym of MIP–don’t know what I’m talking about? Click here to read about Sexless Soul Ties. You’re welcome).

And as we were catching each other up on life, she was telling me about this sweet man who was kind, emotionally invested, and totally wrong for her. As she spoke I thought a lot about my own Mr. Right…for someone else.

I was in college–because all of my most fascinating stories start this way, right? And some of my really good friends decided they wanted me to meet their new roommate. They called me up and told me that they had found me the perfect guy. He was pursuing multiple advanced degrees, loved God, gave great advice, and being known as someone who didn’t have time for games they thought this would be a match made in heaven.

And you know what?
I did too.

I had an opportunity to meet him and he was extremely kind, funny, and charming. We didn’t run out of anything to talk about, he had a life plan just as well thought out as my own with the drive to match. When he asked to take me out on a date I happily said yes.

I did not touch a car door.
Did not pull out a chair.
Did not pick up the check.

And none of it felt bad.
It just didn’t feel great either.

It didn’t feel how it was supposed to feel when you know you’ve got someone who you don’t want to let go.

It didn’t feel like the first time I went out with my now husband.

But it was supposed to feel that way because he was a handsome man, with an incredible plan (that has since come to fruition), who was deeply invested in the idea of building something lasting with me.

So I kept on seeing him.

Knowing I wasn’t romantically moved in any sort of way.
I kept seeing him because he was the kind of person I was supposed to want to be with.

And it became a chore.
Soon conversations weren’t as easy.
Dates weren’t as fun.

And while I liked him so much as a person, I became frustrated by his kind gestures because I knew they would require me to show emotions I just didn’t have.

And so eventually we parted ways.

…until a year or two later when I thought to myself,
“You know Nik, he’s really the kind of guy you should like.”

And the whole thing started and ended again.

It was terrible because I wasn’t happy and he wasn’t cared for in the way he deserved to be. All of this frustration and stagnation because I was making decisions based on what I thought I was supposed to want versus what actually made me happy.

I would feel this feeling again right before I graduated from college, except this time, it would be because of a job and not because of a man.

Working for what was supposed to be my dream organization, I realized that I felt the very same way on that very first date with that really awesome guy who just wasn’t right for me.

But I was supposed to want this because like him this job looked good and allowed me to follow the plan I had so meticulously laid out for myself this time however, I made a much different choice.

I decided that instead of forcing myself to fit someplace that didn’t make me happy, I took a really hard left and landed in a field that brings me so much joy and also brought me love in the form of my fine, brilliant, electrifying husband.

And I had to make that mistake…twice, so that I wouldn’t be afraid to pivot from what I was supposed to love to follow a path that would take me to the things I genuinely love.

I also made that mistake…twice, so that you wouldn’t even have to make it once.

Sis, it doesn’t matter how good he looks on paper, how prestigious the job title is, how much you are supposed to enjoy hanging out with those type of people, anything that does not authentically fill you up is not meant for you. By holding on to whatever “it” is you will become unhappy, not give it the care it deserves, and will ultimately miss out the people, experiences, and opportunities that make you feel whole.

There is something so freeing in saying, “If it does not serve me, and if I cannot serve it, it has to leave my life.”

You deserve that type of happiness and fullness of joy.
So please don’t limit yourself.

There’s magic in our musings (and our happiness),
Nicole