5 minutes ago I was trying to nap.

Instead, God told me to get up and share with you all my biggest struggle area right now.

So while I’m still under my blanket with my headscarf securely tied to my head…I’m going to share with you how God continues to grace me and use my unnecessary anxiety for His glory.

Shamar and I are in the process of buying a house.

The quick version of this story is that we have been looking at homes online and in person since December.

I, having no patience, had found about 3 different homes I would have seriously put an offer on before we found this home.

God said “no” to all 3 of those homes.

Whether we weren’t yet in a position to put in an offer (no financing or agent in place), the home was too far out of our price range, or our income fell too far out of the limits for certain home buying programs, God closed the door on each of the homes in which I could envision myself throwing Friendsgiving dinners or putting up our Christmas tree long before the words “let’s make an offer” could even leave my lips.

Until we stumbled on the house we are currently under contract for.

We found this home, not in our “dream” neighborhood (or a neighborhood we had even heard of prior to finding this house) and drove by it on a Sunday afternoon. We peeked into windows and tried to see as much of the house as we could…you know, for not having keys or anything. We text our agent and set up an appointment to see the house properly.

By the time we found this house, we weren’t even seriously looking for one. Once we started the pre-qualification process and crunched the numbers, we realized that while we could afford a mortgage, our savings just wasn’t in a place where we’d want it to be for a downpayment, as a result of helping to support my mom for the last 6 months,.

We knew we had a few months to go on our lease, and would continue to look at a few homes with our agent more so she could learn about our home preferences, not because we were in a position to buy.

If I am the person who is always ready to pull the trigger, Shamar is always ready to count the cost.

So you’ll imagine my shock when Shamar took three steps into the house the day our realtor showed it to us and said,

“Yes, this is it.”

Ain’t been to na’n room.
Ain’t looked at na’n appliance.
Ain’t critiqued na’n layout.

He just knew.

And I did too.

I felt a peace so incredibly strong that it almost brought me to tears.

Stronger than the day I started my teaching career.

Stronger than the morning I wrote my wedding vows.

This peace was so strong it could have only come from God.

God told me this was our house.
He said it.

As we walked through it and it checked every single  box we had hoped for (and some we didn’t even know we would desire) we knew that God would make a way for this home.

Before we left that evening, Shamar and I laid hands on the house and we prayed. We prayed that God would make our process smooth and that it would be easy.

This was important, not because we couldn’t go through something hard, but because I can often push through anything with sheer determination alone…even if God didn’t give me any confirmation that it was what He wanted for me.

I wanted to know that He was clearing this path for us, not that I was bulldozing my way through and tagging on “The Lord said _____!” at the end of my desires.

And He has made this process smooth and easy.

• We ended up in a multi-offer situation and won without having to increase our offer.
• What was in our savings has been more than enough for our upfront costs.
• We have worked with a loan officer, real estate agent, and home inspector that have been incredible.
• Our home inspection came back with very small findings–all of which the seller is in the process of fixing and has thrown in some things that weren’t even in our inspection report.
• We got a gift to supplement the gap in our savings that came from helping my mom.

At each step, God has made the process smooth and easy.

And we are currently in the conditional approval phase on our loan application–the place before you get the “ok” to get the keys to your home. And we are here three weeks before our closing date (which means we even have time to fix any issues that should arise).

And I am struggling in my faith.

This is the part where we don’t get updates every day.

This is the part where the loan officer can tell us regardless of all of our previous approvals and qualifications, we might not get our house.

This is where the protection of our due diligence period is over and if we can’t get this financing…we lose all of the money we have given in earnest funds, home inspections, and appraisals.

My heart races whenever I check my e-mail.
And all I want is our mortgage company to say “yes” to this home loan.

I didn’t even want to write about this on the blog until the keys were in my hand.

And that’s when the Lord started to deal with me.
With so much love and truth that I couldn’t even be ashamed, he said:

“My daughter, I have already told you ‘yes’. I have made this process smooth and have removed all of the barriers that could have potentially come against you in this process. There hasn’t been one time during all of this in which my promise has wavered or I have left you.

And still…you put more weight in the ‘yes’ from a loan officer than a ‘yes’ from the Lord your God.”

And you know what?

I’m not alone.

God said yes to something you have been praying for and you have felt His provision on the next step of your life.

And while you should always be grateful, you are also so surprised that things keep falling into place. Like the Lord your God didn’t already tell you it was yours.

And regardless of Him speaking to you you are still racked with fear that the thing God already said was yours will somehow be snatched away.

Like a boss, or a boyfriend, or an application reviewing committee somehow has more power over your life than the sovereign God.

Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? -Matthew 6:27

God gives us instructions for worrying:

Matthew 6:31-33 (31)So Don’t worry about these things saying, ‘What will be eat? What will we drink? What will we wear? (32) These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. (33) Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

So breathe, sis.
You’ve already gotten the only “yes” that matters.

There’s magic in our musings (and so much more in our faith),
Nicole