I am an ambivert.
The love child of both an introvert and an extrovert.
I love bringing people together and get incredible amounts of energy from the right people…and I am also really happy at home under my favorite blanket reading a book on a Friday night by my entire self.
Let’s take the time here to say–being an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert isn’t a bad thing. It’s just about knowing who you need (or don’t) in order to feel most energized. It’s helpful to know when thinking about how you can best care for yourself.
But for a season, I’ve been mislabeling myself and I wonder if anyone else has too.
The Problem
You see, I’ve always thoroughly enjoyed people…right up until the time I started teaching.
Wait, Nicole…I thought you loved your job.
Girl! Of course I do–it’s the best work ever.
And it’s extremely taxing.
I am asked to not only interact with, but help manage over 100 personalities everyday.
Whether you love people or rather be under a rock full time…that’s hella work.
I remember being “on” and feeling great all day and then dragging my 22 year old self into my condo and sitting on the couch…for hours.
TV off.
No social media.
Zero noise.
Wouldn’t even take off my work clothes or my shoes.
A few hours later I would blink, look out the window, and realize that it was dark outside (how?! I got home at like 3:30pm), dark inside (because I didn’t need a light on a 3:30pm when I first sat down), and hadn’t changed, eaten, or functioned for a few good hours.
And while I don’t do this anymore, I found myself choosing to say “no” to social interactions way more than I used to.
The Realization
And then this summer arrived and I was more social than I have been in quite some time. But I realized just how life giving it was for me. I walked away from every single social interaction feeling so full of energy. Which flew in the face of this idea I had started to build that social interactions were depleting.
So I took some time to reflect on what was different about these interactions versus the ones I found myself engaging in before three things struck me:
- My interactions were centered around positivity.
- No one wanted anything from me except my company.
- I didn’t have to be anything but myself.
While I appreciate my professional life, it doesn’t change the fact that who I need to be for the people at work and what I am required to give in order to be good at my job is draining.
And if we’re real isn’t that why we get paid?
We trade time, energy, and skill for money.
And if we’re realllll honest…we can say the same about some of our friends/family members to.
Think it’s just me?
Watch how deeply you breathe or how tense you get the next time you see a certain person’s name flash across your phone screen.
You just tensed up thinking about it.
Told you, girl.
Budgeting 101
And for many of us, we’ve figured out how to allocate our time, and budget out our money.
But can we say the same about our energy?
I saw a quote on social media the other day that said,
“You gotta budget your energy out like you would your paycheck”
And it made me realize just how bad of an investor I have been with my energy and the impact that has had on the way I see myself. Instead of investing in people and things that replenish the energy that’s been depleted throughout a demanding workweek or from the responsibilities that just come with life, I was choosing to shut down thinking that all interactions would be draining ones.
Not even realizing that because of who I am and my need to be filled from quality people, that I was doing myself a disservice.
I was starving myself and then was confused as to why I was hungry.
Truth Is…
Not all draining interactions are toxic ones.
You know how you feel when you come from doing physically or intellectually taxing.
Amazing!
And real damn tired.
People are the same way. Just because you walk away from someone feeling tired isn’t a reason to remove them from your life. Rewarding relationships can sometimes be challenging. Learning how to navigate them will only make you better.
If you’re always drained it could be toxic.
It’s hard to name that there are people in our lives who consistently take more from us than give to us. Especially if we feel indebted to them in some way (a parent who sacrificed so much, an old friend who we feel we have to keep around because of the role they used to hold in our lives).
And it’s especially challenging if we find that they’re someone with whom we must interact (a direct supervisor or a colleague).
Boundaries are critical for people like this.
Get off the phone.
Don’t reply to every text.
Say no to the after work event (or to dinner with the friend you know only wants to go out to complain).
Also remember investment in yourself after interactions with these folks are also critical.
Spend time with a friend drinking wine and laughing until your sides hurt.
Turn on your favorite album, pour yourself a glass of delicious wine, and cook your favorite meal.
Go get in a bomb workout…and then drink a glass of wine.
Okay, maybe wine is just my jam–but don’t tell me I never gave you anything.
We can’t talk about self-care, living our best life, or being our best self without examining how we spend our energy as closely as we spend our money. So it’s time to review your investments, sis, and make sure you’re spending wisely.
There’s magic in our musings (and where we spend our energy),
Nicole