Girl. I know. I missed you too.

I’ve been hustling in my professional life with a 9-5, two 5-9’s,  and not enough hours in the day. But sometimes we have to be okay with the fact that with great opportunities for growth come sacrifice. I knew that I’d have to hit a pause point on BGM for a short season while I did a few things to help me get to the next level in my career.

But I’m back…with a series.
So get excited because Single Ladies…I’m coming for you.
With all the love and adoration and none of the shade…’cause who has time for negativity?!

All the Single Ladies

While I was away I started to pull threads through conversations I was having with my single friends.
Single women who are living well.

Can we just pause and give God a handclap of praise for how well the women in my life are living?

I’m talking 80 day fitness and eating plans, debt elimination, travel to destinations people only see on postcards, and friendship circles that only allow for positive healthy energy.

Lots of water, lots of Jesus, lots of greatness.

Y’all are doing it and I applaud you.

And somehow in the midst of all of this grade A living, I have had so many conversations with women who are both living well and looking for their person.

Because that’s normal.

Being fulfilled doesn’t somehow eliminate your desire for companionship.
If anything, living well can heighten your desire for someone to share all that greatness with.

So this post isn’t about quelling that desire for partnership (but we should NEVER forget middle of the bed sleep is a gift from God).

This post is about how the living well you’re doing now will serve as your first line of defense from all the ufck boys who will try to un-align your chakras and lower your frequencies.

Not with me yet?
It’s okay…you will be.
Come along.

The Opportunity Cost of a Relationship

Relationships require work in order to be beautiful.

You can’t bring another person into your life and think everything about how you function stays the same.

Real sacrifices have to be made.

Case in point: I missed out on what I know was an uh-mazing Insecure Season 3 watch party with some bomb friends of mine because one of the commandments of marriage is that you can’t watch a new season of a favorite TV show without your spouse.

You don’t think I didn’t want to be laid out on a couch talking about how fine Daniel is with yall?!

But I had to settle for a Monday night (’cause 10:30pm is late)  with the hubs on the couch while secretly texting another married friend about how fine he was instead of reacting how I really wanted to:

I’m just out here trynna put y’all up on game.

So if you’re going to make space for someone else in your life, they better be worth the sacrifice of the occasional girls brunch or night out. I’m not saying these things will never happen. I am saying they will happen with less frequency as the level of commitment increases in your relationship.

The Blessing in the Opportunity Cost

At this point you very well could be questioning whether or not I’m trying to discourage you from partnership.

I’m not. Promise.

But I do want to encourage you to thank God for the opportunity cost.

You see, sis, your life sets your standard.

And when you are out here getting abs, making money, finding yourself through travel, growing more in love with Jesus, and building a community of like minded women, it is going to be really hard to allow some mediocre man (job, friend, eyebrow lady, or anyone else) to walk into your life and take up valuable space and time.

People have to add value to what you’ve already got going on.
And you know what that means:

The fuller your life–the less likely you’ll be to entertain a man who can’t add to it’s richness.

Unfortunately the inverse is also true.

The more unfulfilling your life (by your standards–not mine. Only you know what truly fills you up) the easier it will be for someone who looks good, but isn’t good for you to waltz on in. He’ll show you mediocrity and you’ll see greatness. He’ll only be able to offer up short term comfort and somehow you’ll mistake that for long term love.

So, What Do You Do?

Keep being open to love. Keep being the greatest version of you and as you are dating (we’ll talk about that later in the series) have a real honest conversation with yourself about the opportunity cost of inviting this man into the greatness that is your life. Think about what he’s adding to your life vs. what you will likely have to shift down your priority list. Then decide if he’s worth it.

There’s magic in our musings and in our lifestyles,
Nicole