So we’re back this week with another installment of the Single Ladies series. Two weeks ago, we started thinking about how the way we live when we aren’t dating impacts the caliber of man we will tolerate when we start.

Didn’t read that one?

Girl. It was good. Go ahead and open it up and start here. 

So now, we’re out here with aligned chakras, positive vibes, and content hearts and in comes…a man.

And not just any ol’ mediocre man.
‘Cause mediocrity is for suckas (I saw this on a t-shirt the other day and need it in my life).

A real upstanding gent who passes all early bs detection tests.
A man with whom you’ve recently gone out on a date.

So now what?

Usually a conversation with your homegirl that probably sounds something like the one I had with one of my friends a few weeks ago. From that conversation–I pulled out 3 tips I’d like to share with you in order to keep you from losing your whole mind while dating.

1. Assumptions are the thief of joy:

Dating is hard because instead of asking questions, we make assumptions like nobody’s business.

You went out on a first date and had fun…but you don’t know what to think?

You think, “I really enjoyed myself on that date.”

The end.

See how much simpler that was than all the scenarios you’ve been running in your head?

Not sure what he thought of the date?
Ask.

I promise you it’s easier than all the assumptions you’re probably making.

There is something fun about picking out an outfit that makes you feel good (and masks the food baby after dinner–cause you need to eat, girl), wearing the perfume that always gets you compliments, and being in the company of someone in which you want to be. Don’t let all of the crazy flying around in your head take away the fun of that.

So ask questions.

Not FBI interrogation level questions…but questions that will keep you from spending your time post date over analyzing every little detail.

2. Generalizing will have you nervous about sharing the best parts of yourself:

In the conversation I had, my friend was telling me about how she thought she had overwhelmed her date with her talk of her future aspirations. She told me that men in the past had been turned off by that.

Pump your breaks, girl.

You’ll be done before you start if you bring the opinions of old flames into a new thing.

For whatever reason…ya’ll didn’t work, so don’t let his reactions to your dreams, healthy habits, or beliefs dictate what you share now or how you think someone new will respond.

Let this guy be this guy and no one else.

Disclaimer:
Here’s the part where I love you too much to have you out here looking crazy. If you continuously find yourself being given loving criticism by people (partners, friends, family) about a particular habit or area of your life…you might need to explore that a bit before dating.

What I’m talking about here are the parts of your that make you unique: your love for work, your passion for travel, your social justice initiatives…those are things you shouldn’t have to hide or quiet for anyone–especially a man worth your time.

3. A bad date just means you’ve made space for the right one.

So the date has come and gone and one of you has realized you all won’t work together.

Maybe it was you and you shouldn’t have said ‘yes’ in the first place (no judgement, girl…been there….done that).

Let that thing go.
Please?
For you?
For me?
For the future relationship that you’ll one day miss out on if you keep entertaining this man.

I recently listened to a sermon by Sarah Jakes Roberts entitled “Everything Must Go”.

Go listen to it and don’t say I never gave you anything.
You’re welcome.

In it, she talks about the purpose of a sale.
While we think it’s the Lord looking out for finances (amen?) it’s the way retailers take move what is no longer profitable out of their space in order to make room for what will be profitable.

I know, girl.
I flatlined too.

And while we can put so much on in our lives ‘ on sale’, right now I’d like to use the sale analogy for potential romantic relationships.

Don’t be frustrated when a life sale pops up. Just know you’ll need that space for someone more profitable in your life.

 

And there’s installment two, sis.
Keep those thoughts in check.
Enjoy the process of getting to know someone.
And know when it’s time to make space.

 

There’s magic in our musings and in our dating habits,
Nicole